Somewhere To Write

Posted by Anonymous on 2013/04/16 under Uncategorized

My name is (BLANK) and I am 22 years old. While writing this, I feel kind of silly. I am at a point in my life where I feel as though I have no idea what direction I want to go it. I am hoping that writing this will either guide me somewhere or just get the thoughts out of my head.

As I said, I am 22 years old but I feel much older. Not physically, but mentally. I am ready for all the things that a normal person my age wouldn’t even consider. I am ready for babies and marriage and a career that I am happy in. I know everyone strives for that but I want it now. Yes, sounds a little demanding and immature but I am ready to know what my life is going to be. Right now, it’s all questions. What am I doing with my life, when will I be able to move out of my parent’s house, when will he propose, how many kids will I have??? I wish I just had the answer to one of them. I am ok with surprises and I am ok with waiting until I am a bit older to get married, but what happens now?

Do I stick with this job that makes me feel like an idiot, do I continue to work at a place where everyone thinks that I’m the nice girl but not the smart girl? I may not be brightest but I know I am capable of much more than photocopying and labeling. Sure there is more to the job but it’s all minimal. It’s nothing that I can feel proud of or even excited about. I do not want to go through my life working at a job just because it’s a job. I want to be excited to go to work and be proud of the things that I do. I want other people to be proud of me. The thing that makes me happier than anything, is knowing that I made someone proud. It is the best feeling.

So as I say all these things, you know, about what I want to feel, I still don’t know what I want to do. I know that I am good at certain things like making people laugh, baking, being organized, being prepared and offering advice to people who probably don’t want it but what the heck do I do with all of that…..what job was invented for someone like me. I want to be in charge (eventually! Only when I know what to do), and I want people to come to me for answers. But how do I get there?

I already did the whole school thing (went to George Brown College for Marketing), and many people have suggested going back to school to earn a degree but for what!? Like I said, I have no idea what I want to do!

Growing up, I never thought it would be this hard to decide. I remember in grade 8, we had to do a careers project. I decided that when I was older, I was going to be a baker. I did my presentation, even brought in a pie for my classmates and I earned the highest mark in the whole grade. It must have been a pretty good pie 😉 I remember being so proud of that moment and I still haven’t forgotten about it. I thought for sure that I had found my calling and when I was older, I would open my own little shop. I still have that dream. I practice baking all the time. I am actually pretty good at cake decorating too. Oh how I would love to own my little shop that has had a name since I was much younger. .

The problem with my dream is that it would be very expensive. As much as it saddens me, I think that this might always just be a dream and never become a reality. Life is tough and everything is so expensive. I don’t want my family to be in debt because of something that I want. Sure one day I’m sure I’d become successful enough to be able to support my family but what about the time between? I would have to rely on everyone else to support me and that’s just not right. I have never been like that. I don’t like being given things. I like to work towards them and be responsible for them myself. My parents always gave me anything that I wanted but I rarely asked for anything. I know that it is my job to take care of myself. So unfortunately, unless I win the lottery, I doubt there will ever be an actual bakery with my secret name on it. I hate to be a Debbie Downer but I can’t live my life in a dream. I have to be in the moment and stick with reality.

So in sticking with reality…..WHAT THE HECK DO I DO RIGHT NOW!? I am so sick of wondering. A couple months ago, I thought I had figured it out. An opportunity came up and it was a job I had never even considered. I was very excited about it because it allowed you to travel, get out in the field, work one on one with the employees and get to interact with the customers, all while holding a position at the corporate office. It sounded perfect, but of course nothing is perfect. There was a catch. It was a seasonal position that only lasted until October. I currently have a full time, permanent position that includes benefits and all. After contemplating for quite a while, I decided to meet with hiring manager. She told me all about the job and everything it entailed. After meeting with her, I knew I wanted that job and I was willing to give up the permanent, benefits position for this amazing opportunity. I knew that this could open up many doors for me and I would be able to see what the industry was like.

After the interview, I waited. And waited. Almost a month went by and I hadn’t heard a thing. I finally got a call saying that they had hired 2 other people who had experience in that department. After the call, I wasn’t really sad. I was more disappointed. I thought that even though I didn’t have the experience that this lady was going to train me to be exactly what she was looking for.

You see, the problem today is that no one will give you a chance. On any entry level job posting, they still require you to have experience in this and experience in that…..but if you are entry level, how are you supposed to have that experience? No one is willing to teach anyone anymore. It is so frustrating knowing that you are more capable than most people and not being given the time of day because you don’t have experience with a this program or that system. I guess people forget that it doesn’t take that long for someone to learn something new.

I just wish little people like me were given a shot, an opportunity to show that I am so much more than just an admin assistant. I want someone to give me that chance. I wish I just knew in what field.

Where do I go? What do I do? It’s all so confusing.

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